My D Day

Yesterday in short was HELL on earth for me. I woke around 8:15 am I chose Joy but Satan wasnt having it. He had a field day with me literally. I met with some good friends of mine around 11 or so after I dropped my daughter off with my best friend Misty. Thats when Satan started...you're not worthy, God could never use you, Tessa would be fine without you, the only way to stop the pain you feel inside is to end it all...needless to say I drove all day but never found what I was looking for. I went to visit my moms gravesite, talked with God and my mom and poured my heart out. I sent many texts to my amazing church family asking for prayer and my phone was going off every 10 minutes, this never happens. God was looking out for me, and using so many to help me. Satan intended on me taking my own life yesterday, but my AWESOME, DIVINE, MAGNIFICENT MAGESTIC FATHER would not allow it. Praise you Jesus. All day as I cried I pleaded with God to give me Joy in knowing my mother is no longer suffering or in pain, to strengthen me because I can't feel like this any longer. Losing my mother has been the hardest thing I have ever had to endure, the pain is indescribable, there is a huge whole in my heart, and not because of anything that happened when she was with me here on earth but because of what we do not have now. I had huge dreams of what she and I could do together, how much closer we would become, I wanted so much for my mom to see that I no longer held grudges, that I was very forgiving, that I do not judge others and I love with all that I am. My mother was so beautiful and she suffered greatly, so today I have peace that I have not had since her passing on August 21, 2008. I went to my cousin Tonya, who is also like a sister to me at 11:00pm , she is my prayer partner. We talked, I poured my heart out even more to her, to God and to her husband Patrick (who by the way became a new Christian, we have been praying for this for so long and God promised us that he had him, Thank you Lord) and then they prayed over me. At about 11:15pm I literally felt a part of me die, and I felt my Spirit be renewed, my heart felt stronger, my body feels refreshed and its all because I finally let God heal me and I asked for prayer, I was finally able to lean on friends. Something that has taken years for me to do, but I today want to say that God is so amazing and wants so much for us to just leave all of our burdens at his feet. I know God has a divine purpose for me, for my life and he isn't finished with me yet. I am so blessed and so greatful for all the outpouring of love, encouragement and prayer , thank you all. God reminded me of these two verses before I was finally able to get some rest around 1:30am

Come to me, all you that are weary and are carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest .
Matt 11:28

Trust in the LORD with all your heart, And do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He will make your paths straight.
Proverbs 3:5-6

In Christ Love,
Tabitha